Growing Intersections: Process Choice, and Discovery of Studio Art Therapy

I have always had a firm sense of self, but before this class I struggled to translate that into a strong sense of my artistic identity. The closest I could get was a seeming compulsion to turn every art project into a meditation on my queerness or my Judaism, which I conceptualized largely as an attempt to inject any amount of individuality or continuity into an otherwise entirely disjointed portfolio. It took the better part of a semester’s worth of reflective art making for me to realize that my artistic identity is found within that disjointedness, which I lovingly renamed as semi-organized chaos. Along with that realization came an understanding that I produce my most authentic art when I creatively reinterpret prompts to fit my needs. This understanding was fueled partially by necessity, when I was unable to engage with traditional artistic media following a mid-semester surgery, and partially by the permission this limitation gave me to embrace my urge to pursue the spirit of the prompt, rather than the letter. The final piece of my artist identity slotted into place following some invaluable feedback from a peer: my artwork does not, as I once wrote, “depict a frustratingly one-note obsession with my identities” — it tells my story. My queerness and my Judaism do not define my artist identity, but their recurring presence in my artwork illustrate a deep affinity for arts-based exploration of parts of self.

I have always been drawn to flowing lines and the magic of the natural world. I do not shy away from making art that may cause viewers discomfort or confusion. With sculpture, I aim to invoke curiosity and invite people to interact with my art or tempt them to touch it. As a person who is passionate about sculpture and the environment, I am thoughtful about the materials I use and ponder the impact my creations may have on the environment. With my piece titled “Malleable Embodied Amalgamation,” I chose to make it a functional mask that I could wear. I think this gives the piece more life and challenges societal ideas of expression and the idea that art is something precious to be reserved and inaccessible in a museum. The piece “Fragmented Perplexus Atmosphere” captures the feeling of a foggy dream that is soft and simultaneously unsettling and can be opened and manipulated.

I chose three self-portraits that I made in the Art Therapy Studio class that focus on my identity as an artist, therapist, and art therapist. These parts are all inseparable from my personal identities, and I continue to investigate the intersections between them. When in the cycle of school, work, internship, and life I find it difficult to prioritize my identity as an artist, which is represented by the piece titled “True Blue Reflection.” In this class I was able to take the assignments and find ways and time to create art that I enjoyed making and I feel proud of the finished products. The piece “Untold Attentive Listening” references the confidential and caring relationship that I continue to form with my clients at my internship. As I continue to strengthen these facets of my identity, I hope to challenge people’s perceptions of art, nature, and beauty and push myself to be more confident in my skills.

Wired wisdom

zig then zag

zapped awake to fold the edges

wrap, wind, wander

lifting the pandemic doldrums. 

In this still air

shadows dance between scrim and screens

Through this journey that has been the art therapy program at Lesley, I have been able to explore my many identities: student, artist, and art therapist. In my more recent work, I have practiced mark making with repetitive lines and patterns, these became what I was known for. I wanted to incorporate my studio art background and bring in the art that I used to do through collage and found objects. Piecing together pieces of my identity and physically piecing together the scraps of paper and past artwork to create something totally new.  

The artwork I created: Growth, Support, Empower and Heart, exemplify the qualities of myself and the identities that I hold that I believe are the most important. Each title of the images are qualities and abilities that we all have, and that are important to one’s growth. ‘Growth’ depicts my own growth, letting parts of myself show through that I once hid, and stepping out of my comfort zone. Not only are these words aspects of my identities, but they are also aspects that others have shown me to support my own growth. In these difficult times, there have been many instances where I have had to be supported and empowered to move forward and qualities, I have been shown to be able to move out of my darkest places. Each of my identities need heart to continue to aid others. To have heart is to empower, support and grow. This program and those around me have helped lead me to these new identities and qualities to be the best me: student, artist, art therapist and person, I can be.  

I have always been fascinated by the power that relationships have on people. The imprint that someone can leave and the lasting effect that the simplest moments can have. In some instances these moments are so mundane that you only realize they are significant when you are left with the memory of the person who made them. This semester my work took me on a familiar journey. One that I have explored in the past but this time I approached it differently. The similar landing point was unexpected but fulfilling. These 3 jars represent relationships that have molded me into the artist and budding therapist I am today. Each jar is filled with slips of paper and written on them are people and moments that breathe life into them. They are a representation of my present self as each memory is unique to my family and I.

Earbursting Chatbags (loud chatterboxes) is full of the loudest most loving conversations that I have had. Loud not only volume wise but also in importance. Gloriumptious Human Beans (wonderful human beings) is filled with memories of those who I have held the closest. Whoops Whiffling Childers (wacky children) is filled with memories that I have from growing up in such a large family. I was always surrounded with kids my age and we were always letting our imaginations run wild.

I am the pouring rain, the kind of rain that makes it impossible to see more than twenty feet into the distance. I am the kind of rain that both chills your bones and heats your soul. I am the kind of rain heard pounding against the ceiling in the dead center of a large department store.

I am the peaceful silence in a car, watching the road twist and turn at its own leisurely pace. I am the quieted radio, the hum of the engine, the inhale and exhale sustaining and calming each moment.

I am both of these simultaneously.

I am driving through the pouring rain, each raindrop a new threat to the windshield. The tires of my tired vehicle desperately grasp at the pavement. My windshield wipers beat back and forth as intensely and rhythmically as my own pulse. My vision is obstructed, my hands are locked to the steering wheel, my seatbelt clenches my lap.

I exist in the moment driving beneath an underpass in the pouring rain. It is the fleeting moment of absolute silence. My windshield wipers catch their breath, my tires remember what it feels like to confidently grip the road, my heart calms to its normal pace. Everything stands still for ever so brief a second. This moment does not exist without the monsoon.

These images exist in that moment. These pieces are a culmination of processing, reflecting, erasing, and procrastinating. They are a breath of air in the midst of chaos; they are confident and grounded.

Captivated in my disarrangement of mental debris, I began creating lines, thick and sharp with rage. Porous cracks lead to what was once an unbreakable void buried deep within my soul. The work gathered is a commentary on what it means for me to dive; Into The Ethers of my identity and soul. Uncovering truths smothered with fears and anxieties withholding me from my true self. As a young woman, I have found the meaning behind my artwork. Simple yet, exhaustive method of releasing subconscious gems. Often, buried so deep, with walls so thick, no external relationship would ever honeycomb. These fragments gathered here never fit my conception of “aesthetic.” I always perceived “aesthetics” to be something entirely captivating and beautiful, in form and nature. Today I present the development of my aesthetics in the way I exist.

Abstract and surreal, deconstructed and reconstructed, whole in its fragment, here lies my soulful identity. I intend for the audience to become engulfed in the confusion of lines. Engage with the disarray of each composition and the utter beauty behind my subtle mania. There is no right, nor is there a wrong behind the work I display. My goal for these visceral bold yet elusive pieces is to captivate the audience with my eerie and ghastly work. To search within themselves and tune into the part that beckons for more.

Process has been a word in the art world that I did not really understand.  Over and over, I would hear “trust the process”. I would think to myself “trust what process? What the hell does that mean”? I found that I needed to reacquaint myself with the word. The word process comes from an old French word “proces”, meaning a journey (Online Etymology, 2021).  It later came to mean “course or method of action, continuous action or series of actions or events” (Online Etymology, 2021).  This, to me, describes every aspect of life being a process.  That process translates into all aspects of living, being, and growing. The process of creating the pieces I have here, became a journey into really figuring out what “trust the process” really means.  My definition of process became; trust myself, let go of fear, and have some “bleep” fun. This definition connects me to what inspires me the most in everything I do, Nature. From photography to creating mandalas, nature influences me from the shapes to the colors.  Welcome, to the process of becoming.    

Process: Search online etymology dictionary. Etymology. (n.d.). Retrieved December 27, 2021, from https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=process  

The images I’ve created represent my spiritual journey throughout this year (2021). My artwork embodies the discovery of self and newly defined truths as I explore my dreams and identity. I have never been one to be in harmony with nature, but I am starting to believe that the human spirit is inspired and rejuvenated by nature’s energy. The act of creating combined with intentional reflection empowered my self-discovery and personal growth. I realize that sometimes traditional approaches fall short, so I thought it was about time I broke away from tradition and discovered what the Universe truly has to offer me.  

During this journey of mine I have been studying more about the healing properties of crystals, which has sparked my interest in other things as well, such as astrology. We live in a modern world that places tremendous stress on the body, mind, and spirit. So, as I continue the journey of becoming more in tune with myself, I pour myself into creative outlets. My work covers a variety of media including watercolor, glass beads, and a collection of textured materials. You will see that my current discovered path has inspired this specific collection of work. Several tiny details link these pieces together, but each tell their own story, my story.  

In my life and in my art, I find inspiration in nature. I find that nature creates connection and the sense of belonging without possession. I am part of nature and nature is part of me. I relish in its magnitude and in its sensory experiences.  I am drawn to rich colors, textures, and new ways to use materials, finding that I reach for my box of fabric scraps and natural found objects to throw something together in flow as I artistically respond to the world around me. This small body of work is based on my identity as a person, an artist, and an art therapist. I am a sensual being, craving tactile experience, seeking images that I can feel not only while I physically create but when I view them from afar. The first three images came together from response pieces and transformed into a textural story of natures’ connections: the rivers carve the mountains, the mountains shape the earth, the earth touches the cosmos, and we get to be part of it. The final triptych gathers these thoughts together in cascading and luminous colors and textures; a shrine to nature and to the senses.  It is a place where earth, art, and my experiences are held in love.

I’ve never been good at verbalizing my emotions. Growing up, I was also the person who helped others but never received that support in return. Art has been a way for me to express my emotions. Painting, specifically, has provided me with an outlet to reflect on my experiences. While painting, I can pour out my emotions onto a piece of paper and let go of any tension or stress in my body. This semester I struggled to find the time and space to paint due to my busy schedule. At one point, I experienced burnout and was emotionally drained as I tried to balance my work, school, and personal life without a creative outlet. With encouragement from others, I carved out time in my day to paint as a form of self-care.  
The three pieces represent the emotional journey I have endured thus far. Together they reveal the symphony of emotions inside my mind, heart, and soul as of the past few weeks. Cool blue represents moments of grief, loneliness, and depression. Medium tone represents feelings of numbness, anxiety, and doubt. Sparks Fly represents feelings of frustration, aversion, and happiness.