A recent obituary …
She lived a long, vibrant life. She resolved some of the world’s deadliest battles, intractable conflicts, and polarizing debates. She catalyzed social change, took on fundamental issues of inequity and injustice, and caused whole societies to examine their beliefs, their action, and their inaction. She shaped the path for new inventions and for uncovering answers to the thorniest of problems. She traveled the world, transitioning with ease from boardrooms to local communities and back again. It was once said, there was nothing more powerful than she, and there was nowhere she wasn’t welcome. But that was then, and this now, and now she appears to have left us. She is survived by speeches, demands, claims, accusations, and rhetoric … finger-pointing, positioning, demanding, debating, preaching, and critiquing. They fill the void of her absence, and they masquerade as what our leaders – and way too often, each of us – believe are tools for change.
Simply, SHE is the simple, probing question … the reframe, the act of true curiosity, the point of inquiry that challenges assumptions, causes reflection, and begins the process of diagnosing, redefining, building understanding, collaborating, and creatively solving.
She is the question, “How do YOU see this? or “Why might this make sense to you?” or “What might have led you to this conclusion”, when we know – when we are sure – they are perceiving the world, the situation, the problem, or even us incorrectly.
She is the question, “Why?” or “For what purpose do you want or need this?”, when we are inclined to dismiss their request or position out of hand or advocate more strongly for our position or solution.
She is the question, “How would we know a good answer?” or “By what criteria would we know it was a fair solution”, when are tempted to begin a discussion or negotiation with what we want and what we are prepared to do to the other person, if we don’t get it.
She is the question, “What is equally accurate and inaccurate about this view or position?” and “What might I be assuming or missing here that might be worth challenging or uncovering?”, asked of ourselves, when we seek for things to be either be right or wrong, good or bad, perfectly constructed or fatally flawed.
She is the question, “What do YOU believe the problem is?” and, the question, “What do YOU think the possible causes might be?”, before we assume we are trying to address the same situation, challenge or obstacle … and, she is the reframe, “How MIGHT WE solve this?” when we would rather just anchor into our position, insist that there is only one right answer, and operate as if power and persuasion come from advocating more forcefully than others, if not from simply being intractable.
She is even the question, posed to ourselves or to others, “What makes it difficult to talk about this?” or “What is keeping us from working together?”, before we create the self-fulfilling prophecy that clearly they’d never understand me or me them and most certainly they’d never want to work with me or me them.
She, of course, has many other forms, but she is consistently inquisitive, open to learning and to persuasion, and one who explores vs. attacks, replaces “but” with “and”, and imagines many shades of gray. She changes the very nature of the conversation, and redefines the purpose of having one. She opens up possibilities, she helps people to listen to - and imagine with - one another, and she catalyzes innovative thinking.
Class of 2018, you well know that we as Lesley strive to develop, equip and inspire leaders of social change. And, there is no doubt that to effect change indeed takes passion, belief, commitment, and, most certainly, advocacy and action. And, it also takes inquiring, probing, listening and facilitating. It takes real humility, a belief that perhaps we don’t know everything or have a lock on the truth, and a desire to listen deeply and truly learn. It takes moving ourselves and others from today’s seemingly continuous mode of positioning, accusing, and debating over who is right and who is wrong – and from the pervasive zero-run, win-lose, “for one view to be celebrated, another must be torn down or cast aside” mentality – to an approach of probing for untested assumptions, for reasoning paths behind others’ views and perceptions, and for the objectives and fears underlying their stated positions or demands; moving to an approach of seeking to develop mutual understanding, and of engaging those with different beliefs in true side by side, joint problem-solving.
To do this well, I encourage you to keep firmly in mind that courage, the ability to persuade and bring together, and effective leadership all come in the form of an open mind, a genuine curiosity, a probing set of questions, and a desire to truly develop understanding of and with others … especially, when working with people with whom you heartily disagree, whom you could not possibly imagine being right, and whom you might be tempted to assume are crazy, ignorant, or evil.
So, looking ahead, whether you will lead as a teacher, counselor, therapist, artist, scientist, business owner, community organizer, or elected official, to effect real change, fundamental change, sustained change will require building bridges, not walls … understanding, not hatred … commonality, not alienation … acceptance, not rejection. I can assure you that the process of successfully developing what seem like unimaginable solutions (or any solutions) to today’s societal problems does not start with a declaration; it starts with a question. School shootings, trauma, poverty, the destruction of our environment, the erosion of the core of so many of our cities and towns, the proliferation of violence and war cannot and will not be successfully addressed through pushing others farther away from us or dismissing their requests, their views, or their beliefs as ridiculous or wrong, but by uncovering what is true for them and important to them, and working WITH what you discover, not against it.
You leave Lesley having gained deep professional knowledge and skills; developed your abilities as thinker, critiquer, and creator; and challenged yourself to grow as a person and as a leader. You will go do great things. You will make the world a better place. But, to do so requires a fundamental change in the nature of dialogue, advocacy, and persuasion that we experience, and in which we engage, all around us. So, I implore you to open up your toolbox, your mind and yourself, and add to it the most powerful tool of all – the simple probing question undergirded by a deep desire to discover, learn, and understand.
Just imagine what we can collectively achieve when our default mode becomes one of inquiring and co-creating vs. debating and dismissing … what we can solve when we imagine that there is almost always more than one (and certainly more than just our) reasonable, legitimate, and sensible belief, perception, or solution … and when we start asking questions that allow us to view a situation or stance from a different light, that enable us to build new partnerships based on a respect for our differences, and that employ this understanding and these very differences to catalyze creativity, problem-solving, and collective action.
Class of 2018, I challenge you to make the world a better place one powerful question at a time … probing, genuinely curious, seeking deep and textured understanding. I challenge you to bringing back to life this desperately needed, critically important tool for resolving the seemingly intractable and solving the seemingly unimaginable.
From Gerri and me, our board of trustees, our Lesley faculty and staff, and our close to 90,000 alumni, congratulations!